Jan. 28, 2026 - Loneliness vs Being Alone

Dear Diary,

I took the opportunity today, to go for a long walk alone, unplugged. This doesn't happen nearly as much as it used to. I got to thinking about "Loneliness vs Being Alone".

I think it's common for people to assume those that live alone, feel lonely. I understand that living alone puts you at higher risk for feeling loneliness but, I know I have felt the most loneliness when I was with others.

My life has included many different phases including ups and downs. I've enjoyed times when I was surrounded by true friends. People I could call at 1AM and show up at their house in my pajamas because I didn't want to be alone. We would talk for a couple hours and then I would sleep on their couch and have pancakes in the morning. The memories make me smile. I spent years raising my children with family close by. Even living right next door sometimes! Now I'm fortunate to have a healthy, loving relationship with my husband.

In the middle of all those friends and family outings sometimes, I just needed time alone. It was scarce it seemed. Just a lovely moment to listen to music, take a walk, meditate, pray or just watch a movie that only I wanted to see. Time alone can feel amazing, regenerative, introspective, creative.

Then there were lonely times.

Sometimes I was alone and lonely but, often I was in a relationship and even more lonely. Personally, I'm much more comfortable with loneliness when I'm alone. Because this I understand. This I can strive to overcome. If I feel uncomfortable alone, then I work on building friendships and relationships. I call old friends and relatives. I get out of my comfort zone and go to some social gatherings and meet new people. I join a club, learn a new hobby, leave baked goods for the neighbors, go volunteer. This I can overcome.

Loneliness in a relationship is the worst! It feels embarrassing, shameful. It feels like I'm doing something wrong. It's much harder to take time to go out and get to know others, to build friendships when you're in a serious relationship. I feel awkward leaning on others when I'm already in a relationship and ought to be close to my own partner. It's very lonely! When your partner won't listen to what you have to say but, then you don't want to overshare with others about your relationship and you definitely don't want to overshare with another man and be judged as having an "emotional affair" with someone.

So you learn to say nothing at all. You feel like an outcast, ostracized from your own tribe. You feel like you're keeping a secret. The secret that you're lonely, that you have things to say that no one wants to hear. What a terrible feeling. I believe loneliness is a major contributor to depression. At the very least an early precursor to depression.

Loneliness is a serious health problem in our society today. From "lone wolf" shootings to the high rate of divorce and a loss of purpose in both our teenagers and the elderly. Our young people are struggling to develop social skills. The skills needed to find a mate, to forge lifelong friendships, to stand out in a job interview. The skills needed to protect yourself from feeling lonely throughout your life. It's an epidemic that no one wants to talk about.

Socializing is one of the 6 Pillars of Lifestyle Medicine. Feeling connected to others is crucial to our well-being. Yes, even for us introverts. Today I am grateful I have a husband I can talk to and yes, he actually listens. I have adult children and friends I can call.

If you're feeling lonely today, please know you're not alone. Just because people don't talk enough about loneliness doesn't mean we don't understand. Reach out to someone. An old friend, a relative, a neighbor. Be brave today and go do something new and refreshing. You never know who you might meet!

What are your best tips for overcoming loneliness? How would you describe the difference between "Being Alone and Feeling Loneliness"? Do you agree with me, that it's lonelier when you're in an unhealthy relationship?

If you're feeling suicidal, please do not wait! CALL 988 SUICIDE & CRISIS LIFELINE FOR HELP

The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (formerly known as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline) offers 24/7 call, text and chat access to trained crisis counselors who can help people experiencing suicidal substance-related, and/or mental health crises, or any other emotional distress. You can also dial 988 if you're worried about a loved one who may need support.

Once you are connected via phone, text, or chat, a crisis counselor listens to you, works to understand how your problem is affecting you, provides support and shares resources that may be helpful. These services will also expand to increase local and state response.